im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
