his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
