I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
