Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i think my mom watched the whole time
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
