we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
