Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
