you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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