the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
whose parrot is this?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
