Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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