So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
