I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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