put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
