dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
