I cannot find my penis.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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