I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
