Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
