I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
