2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
