You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
