Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
