You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
