Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
This baby is an asshole
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
