I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
