made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
