Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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