He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Randomize
