Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
