Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
