Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
