It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
