things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
