it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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