i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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