i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
