you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
