why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
