Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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