She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
