sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
