well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
