Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
