I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You should frame my arrest warrant.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
