Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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