I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
