the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
