If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
