i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
