he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
