Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
