Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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