btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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