I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
