You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
