i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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